Protected: Personal
So far tonight has been pretty disappointing. The party was crowded and you couldn’t get anything to drink. It was nice to see Nick and Kate. I don’t really know him but for some reason I think that Nick and I have a lot in common. There must’ve been a couple hundred people there. Last night was better, despite Julie throwing up all over holly’s apartment. That made me feel kinda bad but there was nothing I could’ve done to stop it. Holly has some sketch-ass friends… they talk about her behind her back and they make me ashamed to be a guy. That pisses me off. I wonder what happened to Julie…
Tonight… too crowded… but that wasn’t the disappointment. Didn’t get to hang out with thalia. She was supposed to call around midnight. She was going to a CDE party, i went to the tvc party, and i asked if we could meet up later. She said she was going downtown after the CDE party and that she could give me a call. She was going around midnight… call never came. (Though for all I know it’s about to come… cause it’s 1AM and thats not that late) :-\
She did say my picture of me as ron was hot though… which is unusual because I never receive that compliment from her… or anyone… Actually in the last few days there were some conversational things that were different (favorable) but we never get to have any fun together. The last few times that I’ve seen her has been to do homework together. I used to think that was a good thing, cause we got to spend time with each other… but all work and no play = her associating me with work = not good.
When ’studying’ to be Ron, I noticed he smiles a lot all the time. I don’t. I’m not a depressed person or anything… I was just always a serious kid. Hell, in one of my elementary schools I was a hall monitor. I like to joke, and I like to laugh… but for some reason I just don’t smile a lot. Pretending to be ron was interesting because I think I was a lot more approachable when smiling. They say that receptionists should always smile while talking on the phone because it makes them sound more pleasant, and I think there’s something to that. So, I need to start smiling more.
One thing I’ve noticed about me around thalia… I smile a lot around her. We could just be sitting there doing nothing, or doing homework, or something really lame, but just seeing her makes me smile (thinking about her too). Ugh, I wish she’d call. I tried calling, got her voicemail, didn’t leave one. I hate leaving voicemails. I always sound like an idiot in them.
UPDATE: Call never came… too late to do anything anyways. I’ve figured out why when stuff like ‘this’ happens i want to have the relationship talk. On some level I think it’ll work and wouldn’t have to worry about this stuff anymore, and that I was fine all along. Tomorrow shes not going to want to hang out. I don’t even think I’d be able to. We’ve both got a Vibrations test monday night. And I have to finish my Aero/Hydro project. I’m gonna work on that for a bit after I finish getting this junk out.
Goal(s) for the week: Smile more, do well on tests/projects, have fun next weekend with thalia
A note to holly if you read these: I’m still trying to keep these uncensored. It’s harder but so far I haven’t held anything back. I’m not afraid of you thinking less of me considering after last year I know I’m not high up on that list. You can comment on these (actually, i welcome it) and the comments won’t be able to be seen without a password, so you can say whatever. No one else is going to have the password, and people have asked.
Halloween
Halloween was fun. Next week is going to suck though. 3 tests and 2 projects due. (1 project done, the other part-way done). Astromechanics is the big test, and it’ll be Thursday night.
Protected: Personal
Tonight was thalia’s CDE Performance. It was really good. I was surprised because I was expecting something a lot different (read: worse) but I liked it a lot. I gave her some flowers (mini pink ones) and she seemed to like those. Then I walked her to her car, opened the door and gave her a peck on the cheek after we hugged goodbye (we haven’t kissed yet). She was smiling, and i think it was sincere, but… she was doing homework tonight instead of going out or anything (on a friday night).
This reminds me of what happened with her and ‘the boring guy’ at the end of the summer. Which, that’s the thing that worries me the most… being that guy. She used the same excuse with him just because she didn’t want to hang out with him. I’m rereading a conversation i had with her about that guy… and SHIT I am that guy, or it seems like it… must correct this.
Alright, talked with Ford about this, he’s good at these type of pep talks. I’m not going to have the relationship conversation that I was going to have sometime this weekend. There are plenty of good reasons not to do this, Ford mentioned a few, but I think the best one is that it hasn’t worked in the past for me. This is called learning from experience. I was worreid about being boring. But as Ford said, boring is subjective. If she thinks I’m boring… then it wouldn’t work out anyways. As much as I’d like to think it, people (myself included) don’t change. I’m set in my ways, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve got a lot more to offer her than any other guy and if she ends up not seeing that, that sucks. I shouldn’t try and predict the future, it just doesn’t work like that.
Mike Ford is the man.
‘Fall Break’
It was a pretty good weekend. Didn’t get much work done, which was great. Here at Tech it was our ‘Fall Break’ (we got Monday/Columbus Day off) so a lot of people went home and it was pretty laid back here. And by pretty laid back I mean I didn’t do any work and it was pretty boring here. Ron and I went and saw the movie Serenity today. It was better than I expected it to be. I enjoyed the TV series when it was out (and recently re-watched it before I saw the movie) and it kinda sucks that it got cancelled. Some guy, below, made a video to sum up some of the firefly series up in 30 minutes. So go watch it and then watch the movie. Had some good fight scenes and the story is interesting. Ron hadn’t seen the tv series and he liked it too.
One thing that was interesting about the tv series is that whenever they swear, they don’t swear in english. They curse in chinese. Really it’s just to get around the censorship of being on tv, but the story reason is that the last two super-powers of ‘ancient earth’ were the USA and China, so the other languages kinda just drifted off and they were only left with english and chinese. I’m going to stop cursing in english and start cursing in chinese. Granted, I don’t curse all that often, but still.
I’m sure most who have seen both Serenity and Firefly will agree the movie has more impact in the context of the series — unfortunately a lot of people interested (or potentially interested) in Serenity will never see it. For the sake of promoting the movie, This guy has compiled some key moments from the series into a video. Spread the word Browncoats!
Protected: Personal
Whew, long week.
I’ve been really pissed off these last 24 hours or so. I’m not going to Penn State Erie for Jon’s 21st birthday, and I’m over-worked. Very tired of this engineering garbage, but it’s like the public post says… hard work now, pays off later. It’s frustrating though to see Ron go out nearly every night. He’s always laid back, nothing seems to phase him.
I’ve got a nasty quiz in Aero/Hydro to look forward to tomorrow. I’m gonna try and wake up early (8:30), shower, goto grab some cinnabon (haven’t had that yet this year), do my thermo, and study more for aero/hydro.
I had an awful mood today. I wish I got to see thalia. I know that would have brightened my day. Won’t get to see her til next week at the earliest, she’s going home for the weekend. I’m pretty optimistic about me and her. She’s swell, haha. I should’ve just stopped by her place at some point today. It was raining though… but that shouldn’t be an excuse. I need to take risks (refer to last protected post).
