So far tonight has been pretty disappointing. The party was crowded and you couldn’t get anything to drink. It was nice to see Nick and Kate. I don’t really know him but for some reason I think that Nick and I have a lot in common. There must’ve been a couple hundred people there. Last night was better, despite Julie throwing up all over holly’s apartment. That made me feel kinda bad but there was nothing I could’ve done to stop it. Holly has some sketch-ass friends… they talk about her behind her back and they make me ashamed to be a guy. That pisses me off. I wonder what happened to Julie…

Tonight… too crowded… but that wasn’t the disappointment. Didn’t get to hang out with thalia. She was supposed to call around midnight. She was going to a CDE party, i went to the tvc party, and i asked if we could meet up later. She said she was going downtown after the CDE party and that she could give me a call. She was going around midnight… call never came. (Though for all I know it’s about to come… cause it’s 1AM and thats not that late) :-\

She did say my picture of me as ron was hot though… which is unusual because I never receive that compliment from her… or anyone… Actually in the last few days there were some conversational things that were different (favorable) but we never get to have any fun together. The last few times that I’ve seen her has been to do homework together. I used to think that was a good thing, cause we got to spend time with each other… but all work and no play = her associating me with work = not good.

When ’studying’ to be Ron, I noticed he smiles a lot all the time. I don’t. I’m not a depressed person or anything… I was just always a serious kid. Hell, in one of my elementary schools I was a hall monitor. I like to joke, and I like to laugh… but for some reason I just don’t smile a lot. Pretending to be ron was interesting because I think I was a lot more approachable when smiling. They say that receptionists should always smile while talking on the phone because it makes them sound more pleasant, and I think there’s something to that. So, I need to start smiling more.

One thing I’ve noticed about me around thalia… I smile a lot around her. We could just be sitting there doing nothing, or doing homework, or something really lame, but just seeing her makes me smile (thinking about her too). Ugh, I wish she’d call. I tried calling, got her voicemail, didn’t leave one. I hate leaving voicemails. I always sound like an idiot in them.

UPDATE: Call never came… too late to do anything anyways. I’ve figured out why when stuff like ‘this’ happens i want to have the relationship talk. On some level I think it’ll work and wouldn’t have to worry about this stuff anymore, and that I was fine all along. Tomorrow shes not going to want to hang out. I don’t even think I’d be able to. We’ve both got a Vibrations test monday night. And I have to finish my Aero/Hydro project. I’m gonna work on that for a bit after I finish getting this junk out.

Goal(s) for the week: Smile more, do well on tests/projects, have fun next weekend with thalia

A note to holly if you read these: I’m still trying to keep these uncensored. It’s harder but so far I haven’t held anything back. I’m not afraid of you thinking less of me considering after last year I know I’m not high up on that list. You can comment on these (actually, i welcome it) and the comments won’t be able to be seen without a password, so you can say whatever. No one else is going to have the password, and people have asked.

Protected: Personal